Will28 from YesVille, USA -

My friend called me to ask my advice me about one of her coworkers. My friend works with this lady that's irritable and condescending toward her. If she asks the coworker about any work related issue the coworker responds in a rude manner. So my friend tries not to go to the coworker with any work related issue and started going to another more helpful coworker. The mean coworker will butt in and answer my friend questions. My friend find it really annoying how the mean coworker just butts in when she's talking to someone else. She wants to know what to do about this coworker. Should she go to the supervisor?

Comment #1 Bobbie28 from Neverland, USA -

Did something happen in the office that will make the coworker act mean toward your friend? I really think that your friend should confront the coworker but maybe not in the office. Do your office people have a main spot that you go to lunch? If so, ask the coworker about the problem and try to solve your differences. If you guys can't do lunch then catch her in the park lot. Do not contact the coworker in a rude manner and act professional. Personally, I think you should try to resolve the problem before going to the supervisor.

Comment #2 Flowergirl from FlowerHeaven, USA -

Yup, you have a true office bully on your hands. Next time, she interrupts you talking to the other coworker, just ask the coworker the question again and ignore her. There is a small chance she just has a weird sense of humor. I don't know about confronting the coworker because it may cause more problems. If you can figure out how to do it very diplomatically, then go for it.

Comment #3 Solitude from Georgia/Florida -

I think you should have a talk with the supervisor. Maybe the supervisor can arrange some kind of meeting to resolve the issues. I'm worried that this will caused more conflict in the office. But, you said no matter what your friend do there's a problem so it shouldn't matter.

Comment #4 Will28 from YesVille, USA -

I told her to just ignore the lady and only talk to the mean coworker for purposes of work. I have been friends and worked with people that I didn't like as a person and the person never knew the difference. I realized that some people are not as strong as others. So the best alternative for my friend maybe to meet with the coworker.

Comment #5 Cady from Omaha -

Definitely address this with management. My sister went through this recently. Two girls in the office did not get along and they each went to my sister (who is in management) and had both given them warnings. This did nothing. My sister then went through HR, they called a meeting between the two women, my sister, and a team from HR. They were both given warnings that if it did not stop then more severe action would be taken. Well, wouldn't you know it. One of them started something with the other and she ended up getting fired.

Comment #6 kiki (128.91.213.197) -

I work in a small laboratory of 4 researchers, including me. This lab is relatively new, along with a PI (principal investigator of a research lab). There is one particular post-doc or coworker who I secretly nicknamed her as the depressed cow b/c she acts and looks like one. No one in the lab knows that I give her that nickname. Anyhow, she is always nasty, abrupt, rude to me. For instance, our cell culture room had to be stocked. I recently stock it - about 5 days ago and the cow comes up to me and yells at me for not stocking the room recently since she has been primarily using the supplies in that room. It is my job to keep the rooms supplied, but I also have my own experiments to do besides keeping the cow in her non-confrontational state. Im not always in the room to keep an eye on everything, but I still do my job no matter what- which is to maintain the lab. She keeps an eye on everything I do and makes sure that everything in the lab is organized, and if it isn't she reminds me that she doesn't need to keep on reminding me to organize and restock the cell culture room. If she liked me, she wouldn't be making a big deal in running out a certain supply and restock the shelve. On the other hand, she likes the other coworkers in my lab and will help them out if they don't get everything done. Since she doesn't like me, she makes sure that I have to get everything done. She isn't my boss nor my superior, but she does have a PhD, whereas Im still working towards my Masters and eventually my MD. In addition, my supervisor (PI) had been encountering a lot of complaints from the cow about me. My PI doesn't do anything, but just told me to deal with it and do as I am told. It is funny though that my PI and the cow don't get along, but still doesn't do anything to tame the cow. The cow comes into work around 11 am and 12pm, which is deemed unacceptable, but still she gets away with it. Prior to my start date, the cow had been warned and yelled at by our boss about her lateness to work. I deal with the cow's problems every day..and I have it up to here. I do act considerate, respectful in front of the cow despite that she is condescending me, but still I don't know what to do. Even if I am defending myself, the cow claims that I have an attitude problem. What should I do?

Comment #7 Bridget from The Workplace -

"Office bullies and fighting back"

Don’t underestimate the vindictiveness of an office bully.

Standing up to a bully and taking the fight as far as a hostile work environment lawsuit, if necessary is the best approach.

However, even though you may be in the right – and bullies should not be allowed to get away with it – there sometimes comes a time when it is best to walk away.

Evidence shows that workplace bullies are bullies at home too. They are dysfunctional personalities. You get different levels of bullies. Some can be reasoned with, while others, if 'well connected' with the ‘right people’ such as senior management can be vicious.

If you do not have strong superiors who will support you in fighting them they can break you down while doing a huge amount of damage to your career and your self-confidence. Bullies use manipulation, gossip, lies and rumors via grapevine communication and even subtle non verbal communication to discredit a person and will often pursue a vindictive vendetta against anyone who dares to challenge them.

They can be so convincing in their deception that they can have you doubting yourself.

Even a psychologist would have a hard time changing a severe bully.

• Hostile work environment lawsuit

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